Skip to content
Mayo Logo
  • Home
  • Introduction
  • Full Program
  • Overview
  • Expectations
  • Encouraging Good Behavior
  • Discouraging Misbehavior
  • Wrap-up
  • Find Help

Step 1 of 7

14%

  • Discouraging Misbehavior

    When children misbehave, parents need to calmly and quickly enforce limits. We will learn skills for responding to misbehavior in a way that will make it less likely that your child will do it again.

      1. Ignore misbehaviors done for your attention
      2. Use consequences for breaking rules and refusing to cooperate
      3. Deliver consequences quickly, calmly and consistently without repeating or arguing

  • What would you like to see your child doing differently?

    Select the problem behaviors that you would like to work on.

    Check all that apply:

  • Do you have other concerns you would like to add?
  • Do you have other concerns you would like to add?
  • Do you have other concerns you would like to add?
  • Do you have other concerns you would like to add?
  • Please list all of your remaining concerns

  • Ignoring

  • We have already learned that your attention is very important to your child. Since paying attention to a behavior makes it more likely to happen again, sometimes the best approach to misbehavior is to simply ignore it.
    Here are some times to consider using ignoring.

      1. Behaviors done to get your attention. Ignoring works bests for behaviors that are done to get your attention or get a reaction from you, like whining or hurtful statements. If you ignore these behaviors your child is likely to stop doing them once he learns that you won’t respond.
      2. With other strategies. Ignoring can be use with other consequence, such as time out. Often when parents tell their child to do something, the child will respond with arguing, debating, or negotiating. Parents often give this behavior too much attention by arguing back, explaining why the child needs to do what was asked, repeating the command, or allowing a negotiation. When parents respond and give attention to these comments, children are likely to argue again the next time, rather than cooperating. This is a good time for parents to practice ignoring the arguing while using the consequence that we will review next to address the lack of cooperation. Parents can also use ignoring with praise. When kids do what is asked the first time, but complain while they are doing it, parents can praise the compliance and ignore the complaining.
      3. Picking your battles. Ignoring can also be used for behaviors that are annoying, but not worth arguing about. These behaviors won’t go away, but you will have one less argument with your child.

    How to use Ignoring:

      1. Explain to your child what behaviors you will be ignoring and that you want him to stop.
      2. Avoid giving your child any attention (i.e., avoid looking at the child, smiling, frowning, or commenting on the child’s behavior).
      3. Ignore the annoying behavior every time it occurs.
      4. Expect the ignored behavior to increase at first.
      5. Be consistent. Continue ignoring the behavior once you start ignoring it.
      6. Praise your child immediately for behavior that is the opposite of an annoying behavior.

    Ignoring should not be used for behaviors that are dangerous (such as hitting brother) or behaviors that are naturally reinforced (such as sneaking a cookie before dinner).

  • Select misbehaviors that you think would be best to ignore because your child does them to get a reaction from you.

  • The other misbehaviors you entered are listed here:

  • Enter any of the above other misbehaviors that you would like to ignore

  • Consequences

  • When children misbehave, either by refusing to do what you tell them to or by breaking a rule, it is important to respond quickly, calmly and consistently. Consequences should be used immediately after your child’s misbehavior. This makes it as clear as possible to your child that if he acts that way he will have a consequence. If you delay, argue, repeat yourself, or negotiate before you give a consequence, your child won’t know exactly what he did that crossed the line. There are three main consequences for misbehavior.

    Remove a privilege: This involves parents taking away an activity or toy that the child enjoys and is logically related to the misbehavior. For example:

      If toys are left out in the family room, they are locked away for a specified period of time.
      If the child refused to turn down the volume on the TV, the TV is turned off for that evening.
  • What are some privileges that you could remove when your child misbehaves?

  • Requiring an extra positive behavior: This involves parents requiring the child do something positive to make-up for misbehavior. These consequences also encourage positive behaviors in addition to discouraging misbehaviors.

      Overcorrection involves requiring the child to make things better, such as by:

        If the child purposely breaks another child's toy, then the child must replace it with two toys.
        If the child teases his sister he needs to apologize and say five nice things about her.

      Positive practice involves parents having the child practice a good behavior multiple times, such as:

        If the child forgets to put her dirty dishes in the sink, she must clear the entire table.
        If the child runs down the aisle at the store, s/he must walk slowly down the aisle ten times.
  • What are some extra good behaviors that you could require when your child misbehaves?
  • Other extra good behaviors to require

  • Time-out: For children ages 2 to 12 years, time-out usually works well to break a cycle of misbehavior. Time-out is time away from a situation that is maintaining your child’s misbehavior. Time-out is in a place where you can see that he stays in time-out, but where he is bored; by himself with nothing to entertain him. This might be a chair in the kitchen corner, bottom step, chair at the end of a hallway, but not anywhere frightening or dangerous. Once a child is in time-out he cannot leave until time is up (2 or 3 minutes is long enough), he is quiet (either time-out does not start until he’s quiet or time-out is not over until he is quiet for 30 seconds), and he agrees to do what he was refusing to do.

      Backup. If a child refuses to go to time out, he should be put in backup. For younger children, backup can be a room that is safe and boring (remove breakables and toys). For older kids, backup might involve the family going into a room and the child having no privileges. The child is required to stay in backup until he calms down and is willing to sit in time out.

    Younger children do best with time-outs for misbehavior. Starting as early as age five, you can remove privileges or require extra positive behaviors. Before you start using consequences explain them to your child. Always be consistent and use them every time your child does that behavior.

  • Where would be a good place to have your child sit during timeout?
  • Where would be a good place to have your child sit during Backup?

  • Choosing Consequences

    For each misbehavior that you selected, choose how you will respond.

  • In response to Arguing, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Arguing, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Refusing to follow instructions, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Refusing to follow instructions, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Tantrums, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Tantrums, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Hitting / pushing / kicking, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Hitting / pushing / kicking, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Screaming or talking too loudly, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Screaming or talking too loudly, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Bossing other kids around, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Bossing other kids around, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Whining, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Whining, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Playing roughly with animals, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Playing roughly with animals, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Playing roughly with, or breaks toys, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Playing roughly with, or breaks toys, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Swearing or using bad language, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Swearing or using bad language, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Making threats, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Making threats, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Criticizing others, saying mean things, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Criticizing others, saying mean things, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Acting angry or irritable, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Acting angry or irritable, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Interrupting, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Interrupting, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Bad table manners, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Bad table manners, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Refusing to eat, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Refusing to eat, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Blaming others, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Blaming others, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Stalling, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Stalling, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Anger or emotional outbursts, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Anger or emotional outbursts, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • In response to Refusing to do Exposures, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to Refusing to do Exposures, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • The other misbehaviors you entered are listed here:

  • In response to the Other misbehaviors listed above, we will:

  • You can add more details about how you will respond to the Other misbehaviors listed above, such as what privileges will be removed or a different consequence then is listed above.

  • Steps for Getting the Most out of Consequences

  • Consequences for misbehavior work best when it is very clear to your child, what exactly he did to receive that consequence and what he needs to do differently to avoid consequences in the future. So, parents need to first make it clear what their child needs to do, and second give consequences immediately if their child does not do what was expected. Follow these steps to get the most out of your consequences:

    • 1. Give an effective command. Make sure you have your child’s attention, by saying your child’s name, pausing electronics, making eye contact, having him repeat back what you want him to do. If you are requiring your child to do something, give your child a command, “Turn off your game”, rather than a request, “Don’t you think it is time to stop playing?”
    • 2. When you give a command say it once and only once. DO NOT repeat the command, negotiate, answer any questions, or do any other talking. If you repeat or explain yourself, your child will learn that he does not need to cooperate the first time you tell him to do something. Instead, he will learn that you don’t really mean it until you repeat it a few times and raise your voice. Also, your child will a) get attention for misbehaving, b) keep arguing or asking questions as long as you keep talking, or c) delay or get out of cooperating.
    • 3. Remind your child of the consequences. Instead of repeating the command, responding to questions, or arguing, immediately (within 5 seconds) remind your child that he has a choice to listen now or have a consequence. If you delay the consequence by repeating, arguing, or negotiating with your child it will be less clear to your child whether the consequence was for not listening, or arguing, or yelling, or what. Examples: “You can either get dressed or have a time out until you are ready to get dressed.” or “You can either pick up your toys or I will pick them up and lock them away.” or “It is not okay to hit your sister, you need to apologize and play what she wants to play for 10 minutes”.
    • 4. Enforce the consequence. if your child does not immediately begin to do what you asked (~5 seconds) enforce the consequence. For example: “Sit in time out until you are ready to pick up your toys” or “Since I am picking up your toys, I will lock them up.” If you use a consequence other than time out, such as positive practice (e.g., “You need to do two chores because you refused to do one”), and the child refuses, then repeat step 3, that is remind him he has the choice to do the positive practice, now or after time out. For example, “You have a choice, do these two chores or sit in timeout until you are ready to do them.”
    • 5. Back-up. If your child refuses to sit in timeout, immediately repeat Step 3 to enforce back up: First explain he has a choice to sit in time-out or go to back up until he is ready to sit in time out. If he does not immediately go to time out, take him to back up until he is ready to sit in time out.
    • 6. Follow through. Stick with the plan until your child completes the consequence (time out and any extra positive behaviors) and the original expectation. Don’t back down or your child will learn that you don’t mean what you say and consequences won’t work well.
    • 7. Praise your child. After you give your child a consequence for a misbehavior look for a chance to praise him for a good behavior.
    • 8. Stay Calm. Showing that you are angry can make you child more upset, or encourage his misbehavior.
  • Delivering consequences is difficult. Select the areas that you think you have room for improvement.

  • Review and Download Your Plan for Discouraging Misbehavior

  • Step 3: Discouraging Misbehavior

    This is how parents will react to misbehavior to make it less likely to happen again.

    • Ignoring
        Since paying attention to a behavior makes it more likely to happen again, sometimes the best approach to misbehavior is to simply ignore it. Parents will ignore the following:

        When ignoring we will remember to ignore every time the behaviors happens and continue to ignore until the behavior stops, even if it gets worse before it gets better.

    • Consequences for Misbehavior
        Consequences for misbehavior may include:

          Loss of this privileges: .
          Extra Positive Behaviors (Overcorrection or positive practice): .
          Time Out with Backup .

        The following misbehaviors will result in the following consequences:

    • Steps for Delivering Commands and Consequences
        Consequences for misbehavior work best when it is very clear, what exactly was done to receive that consequence and what needs to be done differently to avoid consequences in the future.

        To be successful parents will start with an effective command (rather than a request). If kids do not immediately comply, parents will remind them of the consequences (rather than repeating the command), if kids still do not comply, parents will immediately enforce the consequence (without any other discussion).

          We are going to focus specifically on: .

    We will revise this plan as often as needed.

  • Hidden
    Edit the "Default Value" field on the "Advanced" tab.

  • Download Worksheet Download Worksheet

Site Map

Terms and Conditions

Privacy Policy

© 2020 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. All Rights Reserved.